My Two Years of Grief...and taking back my thoughts.

I attended yet another family member's funeral last week. This time it was my 66 year old aunt. She had a massive stroke and died a couple of week's later. I buried my dad four months ago. We buried my mom seven months before that. We are currently dispersing my parents' things and selling their home. In the past two years I have lost two uncles, one aunt, and two parents. Four of the five were diagnosed with cancer. They did all of the treatments. My story is no different than many others at this time in history. A story of illness and loss. I have been in "numb" mode for much of that time. I was locked in to what needed to be done and how to serve my family. I told myself there was no time for grief. As a therapist, I do know better! It just happened SO FAST!! It began with one thought, "You don't have time right now, you can do a little longer workout tomorrow." I agreed with that thought. And then, "It's ok to eat comfort food right now, you will be ok." I agreed with that thought. With each step that I took away from what I know helps my body feel good and function well, the depression snuck in a little bit more and a little bit more.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Give them an inch and they will take a mile?" Depression (and other mental health concerns) works the same way. Once negative thoughts (or excuses) are given permission to stay in our heads, they will multiply and take up more space. Scripture reminds us to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5b). Thoughts are NOT who we are. Thoughts do not dictate our emotions, our behavior, or our well being UNLESS WE GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO DO SO. Dr. Caroline Leaf does a beautiful job of explaining how thoughts grow in our brain as we give them attention. There are thousands of thoughts that go through our minds daily. We GET TO CHOOSE which one we invest our energy into and believe. I chose the thoughts that ended up fueling a big case of compassion fatigue and depression.

I thank God for dear friends who call me out when they see the choices I am making. It is so very important to surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you, and who are brave enough to call you out. Thanks to these friends who helped me challenge my thoughts, I am back and ready for the next opportunity.

When I look back at that time now, I am filled with gratitude for the time and memories we created. That time with my parents is sacred to me. It was an opportunity to heal old wounds and just love each other.

May your mind be filled with peace, truth, confidence, and courage. May you know that you are loved and valued beyond anything you can imagine. If you are having negative thoughts that are causing you pain, please reach out to a friend, a pastor, or me. You don't have to walk this journey alone.